how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
