then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
