he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
