Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
