your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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