She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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