whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
