I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
