my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
