So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
