gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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