I just pynch a tree in the face
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
