I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
