3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Randomize
