And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
