I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
