he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
