he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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