You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I will pee on everything he values.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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