Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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