do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize