Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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