He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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