Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
