i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
