Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
