This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
