Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
