i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
