You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
