note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
