In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I need to align my fucking chakras
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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