I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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