If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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