You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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