I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
