I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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