You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
