you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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