Please, let me fuck your mom
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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