honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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