Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
