Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
