You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
