I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
