I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
