I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
