I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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