he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
