I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
