he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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