Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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