i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
