So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
