i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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