I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
