I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
