I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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