even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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