I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
