who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
