i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
